Berkshires Community Responds (Part 3): When is it better to care less?
As part of MASS MoCA’s July 2021 Community Day, dozens of Berkshires residents visited with the CARE SYLLABUS co-directors and wrote reflections on the pressing valences of care shaping their lives. In this 3-part series, we feature community responses to the guiding questions of our project. In part 3, we highlight answers to the question, “When is it better to care less?”
“Caring less is a concept I often struggle with; I care a lot about everything in my life. However, some things are out of my control, so I should care less about things that I can’t do anything about. I’m still interested in larger things (bigger picture), but I can’t do anything to change many of them. To me, caring means being interested in and tending a lot to something. It’s better to care less about the actions of others because I cannot control them, Instead, I care more about my own actions and hope that they positive influence someone else.” - Anonymous, 15
“When the only thing to lose is ego.” - Kristel 47
“There are definitely situations in which caring too much causes anxiety and frustration. It’s better to care less when we don't have control over the situation, or when we did our best but we’re still unable to solve the problem. It’s also important to have a balance between caring about others and caring about ourselves. When caring about others implies neglecting our own feelings and desires, we must prioritize our own well being.” - Sarah
“The question of “when is it better to care less?” has been on my mind a lot as I work as an educator with under-served students in the Boston area. In social service work, I think that it can be easy to run ourselves into the ground as we constantly care for others. In the process it can be easy to burn out, lose drive, and feel exhausted by the work. It may not be a need to “care less”, but a need to care more about ourselves, through advocating for our own rest, time with family or friends, or time exploring our own hobbies and passions. This act of caring for ourselves more may feel like we are caring less about others -- but I would argue that caring for ourselves more actually gives the capacity to care for others more, and better.” -Breda, 19
“Choosing to care less can sometimes take more energy than maintaining the care you are giving. There’s a difference between not caring and caring less. Caring less often means the person doing the caring cannot anymore. It often comes with struggle. But sometimes you have to choose to care less if it is better for you in the long or short term. It doesn’t mean caring less forever, but that you made a choice for the moment.” - Kaitlin, 39
It’s better to care less when it is past the point that care is needed. As humans keep caring more and more about themselves, in a way we care less about others or other life forms. It would be nice if we cared about ourselves and others in a a balanced way. So in this case, it be ‘care a little bit less about us.’” - Anonymous, 31
“When caring leaves you empty and seeking validation, it is time to care less. Caring given freely and from a secure place can be a limitless and renewable resource. Caring that is reciprocal or driven by cause or mission can smolder in perpetuity. When care is driven specifically by the need to receive someone else’s care, it becomes elusive. And if caring replaces action or momentum it may be necessary to step back and balance these forces. Caring alone is not enough to drive change or find fulfilment. Caring is not the full sum.” - Shannon, 36
“It’s better to care less when care means self-harm. Sometimes caring too much means you neglect self care. It is important to balance your own internal needs with your perceptions of what others may need. Caring responsibility also means that you check in to ensure your understanding of care is in line with true needs. E.g., you might think caring for something means providing “x” when they really need “y.” - Anonymous
“Thinking about and talking about care with colleagues and families, I talk about the analogy of putting on an oxygen mask first before assisting a child. This looks like self preservation, or less caring, but is in fact, caring for yourself more than others is not caring less. “ - Anonymous