Berkshires Community Response (Part 2): What are the costs, labors, and rewards of care?

As part of MASS MoCA’s July 2021 Community Day, dozens of Berkshires residents visited with the CARE SYLLABUS co-directors and wrote reflections on the pressing valences of care shaping their lives. In this 3-part series, we feature community responses to the guiding questions of our project. In part 2, we highlight answers to the question, “What are the costs, labors, and rewards of care?”

• “The cost of not caring is where the cost lies. The labor of caring is fulfilling. The rewards of caring are life affirming.” - Anonymous, 63
  

• “For almost 3 years, my mom has been the primary caregiver for her husband: sinus cancer, brain damage, epilepsy, in need of 24/7 care. He is 58 years old. She has given her whole life -- her freedom, her ability to travel, evern her job -- so much of her identity reduced to “caregiver.” A month ago, I spoke with my mom about everything she has sacrificed for this. She said she knew she had sacrificed me, too. The financial cost is a completely different weight, and overwhelming. Money would help. But the real cost, in my eyes, is when my grandfather turned to me, and whispered, ‘she just looks so tired.’
  But her husband is alive. And his kid still have their father, in some way. And sometimes they watch Jeopardy, or the birds out the window. Sometimes they have a peaceful nap together, or he remembers to ask about her day.
  And the balance of cost and reward is impossible to hold.” -Alma, 23
  

• “Care is a concept for which the benefits far outweigh the costs. The costs of caring, generally, can include one’s time, emotion, energy, money, thoughts, physical presence & energy. The labor of caring likewise can follow similar veins-- emotional labor (around grief, anger, guilt, etc.), physical labor (e.g, lifting groceries up 3 flights of stairs for an elederly neighbor), of time labor (e.g., time spent working on a project that could have been dedicated elsewhere).
  The rewards of caring in most cases exceed those costs. Especially when there is a human connection or an interpersonal element. Rewards can include a sense of pride, accomplishment, kinship, community, bliss, or joy. Generally I feel the rewrads in my labor knowing I’ve put some tangible good into the world when I try to care about issues. Caring IS a conscious decision!” - Q, 23
  

• “Growing up and being in what is known as the “foster care” system, my parents had to go through many hardships to adopt my brother and I. There were nights of long paperwork, years of fear that it wouldn’t be approved, and the challenge of being new parents , which is already hard enough. Because they cared so much, they made the sacrifices, and also got the reward, of being a part of a family together. This untraditional family foundation has taught me about all of the layers of care.” -Anonymous, 19
  

• “It’s really easy to get stuck in the trap of all or nothing in these times -- as if we can either do everything, care for everyone, or what we’re doing isn’t enough. The ultimate cost and potential of care is the need to care for yourself.” - Anonymous, 18
  

• “It’s wrong to speak of care in terms of cost -- exchange of love or care is reward.” - Anonymous
  

• “The temporary cost of care is comfort. The labor of care is forgiveness (which is also the labor of love). The reward is deep understanding, joyful relationships and communities.” - Matthew